I miss her

20 October 2016
Its already 5 months you leave us

          When you decided to get further treatment at Hospital Sultanah Aminah, Johor Bahru and stop being treated at University Malaya Medical Centre (UMMC), I miss a chance to meet you due to end of semester examination. The last time I see your face and hold your hand, when you were admitted in emergency room. I gave you a bottle of water and a bread also your phone to ease you to contact us.

4th May 2016

          You were too weak, Nadiah and Izyani tried very hard to help you to go to the class for exam, three of you late 15 minutes while me, late for 10 minutes. After exam, we decided to go to IIUM Clinic to get a permission letter for you to sit for exam only in the clinic. Dr. Hamid noticed that you look more thinner than the passport picture that you stamped on your medical record and your face looked very pale. Then, Dr. Hamid decided to send you to UMMC to get better and accurate treatment there. Four of us went to UMMC by ambulance. I pushed your wheelchair and safely entered emergency room.

          The day of tomorrow we have two papers to go yet, we did not bring any books to hospital. We take turns wait in emergency waiting room. After wait for so long, we went to food court searching for food, went to musolla to pray and get some rest while waiting for you. Dalili and Afi kept contact us and asked either you were okay or not. Even, they lost appetite to eat also lost focus to study because they were too worried about you and us. After 3 hours of waiting, the doctor called for Zafirah Haziqah's guardian and I entered the emergency room. I saw you. Both of your hand has a tool that hospital used to enter water or blood or medicine into blood vessels. I also saw your blood flow. It make me sad, but, I have to be strong in order to make you strong.

          12 a.m., our fellow took us from hospital. As we reached at our room, Dalili and Afi waited for us loyally and I saw food that we ordered that evening were untouched. Thanks to Auni, she sent a lot drinks and foods to us, she really understands us. We ate together and then study for next paper. We slept at 4 a.m. and woke at 6 a.m.. Can you imagine how sleepy I have to go through that day. Back from exam, Auni told us that you had going back to Johor.

20th May 2016
        
           " Anis, get ready, we will visit Zaf and her family after Ayah back from mosque " mama said

While I'm getting ready, I got a call from Zaf. Exciting.

          " Salam, kak, this is Piqa " Zaf lil sister calling me
          " Oh Piqa, why you call me suddenly? "
          " When you want to come here? " she asked me
          " I'm getting ready to go to your house "
          " Kak, pray to Allah that Angah will be okay, hmm? " she cried
         
         After Dad back from mosque, we went to Kulai first to fetch Nadiah and take her with me visit Zaf. On my way to her house, I got another called from Piqa, she told us that Zaf had passed away just now. My heart beats very fast. Tears flow from my eyes. I feel very cold. I late for an hour. As me and Nadiah reached at your house, I heard voices of people recite yassin. I walked slowly, I saw many people cry, as I entered living room, I saw a body covered by kain batik. I still can't believe this. I sat beside you and open the kain batik and cried. I kiss your cheek. I still can't believe. Praise to Allah, I got to pray for you and I got to see you were buried from far.

May you belong to the Mu'minin, Solihin, Muslimin
Al-Fatihah to Zafirah Haziqah Mohamad

Us without you

   

Tawakkal and Dua'

           Calculation. It's a favorite thing to do by father but its totally mess for me. I never get along well with calculation, I don't why but I think that my chromosome would excited more to take gene from mom. This same goes to my sis n lil bro, they also like facts more than calculation. We're sorry dad that we like bio more than math or add math. I would like to  share to you my story with math.
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           Last semester, I took Math 1, and I know its a big challenge for me. The lecturer that taught me that subject is really an understanding person, she was so nice, she taught us like she teaches her child to walk. She taught us will full of love and sincere. She never fed up on us, her name was Madam Izan. But, it still hard for me to fall in love with calculation. Every time we sit for the quizes, I'm one of those who got lowest mark, it can be seen when my friend, Yani, she got 23-25/30, while me? The highest mark I ever got was 19/30. Its a big gap. As the carry mark form had released, under my estimation, I was in bottom 10. Then, from that, I got consultation session from Madam Izan personally, we were having face-to-face relationship as student and lecturer. She also had an extra class many time for me before the day of final exam. While my friends still sleeping, I need to go to extra classes. At the deepest of my heart, I envy to them, they didn't need to attend to the class in study week period. They can just study at room or library. Madam Izan keep calling my name to solve the question problems at the front.
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           This situation reminded me to the high school memory. A month before SPM, my add math teachers held an extra class at school hall. Suddenly, my add math teacher, Cikgu Ghozi called me at the back to come to him. Then, he told me to bring along my papers, books and pencils. While I'm taking my tools, he pulled a desk and a chair beside him, he asked me to sit and he told me to ask him as many questions as I wanted. My other friends were sitting on their sit in row and heard to the other teacher lecture at front. During break time, my friends went to dining hall and I'm still learning, after the one hour break time, my friends came back from hostel and I'm still sitting with Cikgu Ghozi. 30 minutes after actual break time, I just got my break time for 30 minutes. I went to hostel to pray and took my bread at my room, eating while walking. After that, continue study with Cikgu Ghozi.
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           Indeed , we 've tried hard , but we also need to place a greater reliance on Allah. Although we had the lowest carry mark ,the hardest final exam ever but if we put everything to Allah, praying and pleading , in sha Allah , Allah will help us . ME, if all of you have a look to my examination marks, I have to repeat my subject but trust me, no other greater help other than from Allah. Just make dua and shalat hajat, Allah is hearing to His slave. Praise to Allah, I passed the exam with flying colors. 

Dream High and Fly High

Its Okay To be Late

          Its time for all Muslim to celebrate Eid with their family. For those who studies abroad, just get some experiences to celebrate it with your friends with different culture. For me, this year Eid holiday is too short and I need more. The long journey to hometown is not tired and long as usual as the increases adrenaline hormone in my body. When me arrived at hometown, my aunts and uncles will ask a lot of questions, yah u know, Melayu people are like that.

' how was your studies '
' how was your work '
' when do you get married '

Me? Absolutely will not run from been asked by them. The usual questions for me as I'm still a student
' where are you study right now? '

The answer of me
' foundation of sciences '

The most reaction they will react
' you're 20 right, what are you doing in foundation? '
' did you repeat semester? '
' how can be you still in foundation? '

         Have you heard about 86 years-old-grandfather just graduate from his degree? Have you read newspaper about a 65 years-old-grandmother just finishing her degree? And a lot of stories around the world.

         I'm one of the person in the same case. Of course there is one time you think that graduate from degree at the age of 25 is too late. Yes, I'm 20 and I admit that I'm a little bit late from my other friends. My other same age friends just finishing their first year of degree and me? What am I doing in foundation?

         Its okay to be late as long as you still have the spirit of studying. Because with study, you can change the world. Knowledge of Allah never care about how old are you or how far did you study or how long did you study because it's too wide until a person or someone can't bear the whole world knowledge.

         Just be in your way, just walk on your road, just run on your journey. Don't let yourself down because of other people expectation. Don't think that we are late instead we just walk the way peacefully so that there is no jammed.

This writing specially dedicated to all BroBear and SisBear. May Allah Bless of Us.

Konvo Pensijilan Tahfiz 14/15

The Special

ANAK ISTIMEWA
Topik biasa yg orang lain biasa dgr tapi ini kisah aku dan anak istimewa.

PERISTIWA 1
Amy dan Azmi adik beradik yang Allah kurniakn mereka kepada ibubapa mereka dalam keadaan tidak cukup tapi aku begitu kagum dengan mereka. Mereka mengerti azan dan memulakan enjin motor ke masjid, mereka mengerti apa itu masbuk, mereka mengerti apa itu solat ba'diah dan qobliah. Mereka juga mengerti bahawa mereka mempunyai 7 adik dibawah, mereka yang mengambil adik2 dari sekolah, juga menghantar ke sekolah. Seharian mereka hanya ke masjid dan sekolah. Lihat sahaja luaran mereka, manusia seakan sudah tahu mereka menghidapi Autism. Tapi sungguh Allah Maha Adil, mereka sungguh membantu ibu bapa mereka.

PERISTIWA 2
Hawa. Secantik nama, matanya bulat, kulitnya putih gebu, mukanya 'baby face'. Fizikalnya Hawa seperti manusia biasa tapi Hawa adalah anak istimewa. Asalnya Hawa adalah anak miskin yang diangkat oleh sepasang pasangan tua. Tiada siapa yang sangka Hawa sebenarnya sudah berumur 24 tahun. Umurnya disorok disebalik muka 'baby face'nya. Hawa tahu ibubapanya adalah ibubapa angkat. Hawa tahu ibubapanya yang menjaganya sejak bayi. Hawa juga tahu mereka sudah sangat tua untuk kesana kemari. Jadinya, Hawa lah yang membawa mereka ke kedai, kelas agama, masjid.  Hawa juga tahu mereka penat seharian bekerja jadinya Hawa belajar mengurut dari orang lain untuk mengurut ibubapanya. Apa yang Hawa tahu adalah pagi ke kelas mengaji, mnghntr ibu bapanya kemana mereka mahu dan lewat malam setelah ibubapanya bekerja, mengurut mereka.

PERISTIWA 3
Hidungnya mancung, matanya coklat, kulitnya putih, tinggi lampai. Tiada sesiapa sangka, Bad adalah anak Autism. Keistimewaan Bad adalah cepat menghafal tempat dan muka orang. Bad bukan datang dari keluarga yg senang. Mak Bad surirumah, ayah Bad pemandu lori. Bad anak pertama, Bad masih ada adik2 yang bersekolah. Disebabkan keistimewaan yang Bad ada, Bad telah diupah untuk angkat dan susun barang di supermarket. Bad tahu saja perkakas ini diletakkan di almari sini dan sana. Hasil gaji bulanan Bad dikumpul. Ibunya dapat memulakan perniagaan sendiri hasil dari titik peluh Bad. Terima kasih pada Bad, keluarganya kini sudah punya pendapatan lebih.

PERISTIWA 4
Fizikalnya ramai sedia maklum, Zahiruddin adalah anak Autism. Kelebihannya adalah pada menghafal. Jalannya ke kelas atau ke kafe selalunya berseorangan tapi di setiap langkahnya kemana mana, bibirnya basah menyebut kalam Allah. Sehingga kini aku masih malu dengannya. Ramai yang akalnya sempurna sering mempersendakannya tapi kalian tidak tahu, mana tahu diakhirat nanti dia lah yg dapat perlindungan dari alQuran nya itu, mendapat naungan istimewa dari Allah. Ada sahaja teman-teman yang membantunya, moga yang membantu Zahir itu ikhlas kerana Allah.

          Wahai anak istinewa! Sewaktu kalian kecil ibu bapamu sudah berpenat lelah membanting tulang menjagamu di dunia, moga diakhirat sana syurga buat ibu bapamu.

          Wahai anak sempurna! Dimanakah kalian? Adakah kalian masih dibuai kesenangan dunia sehingga kalian lalai? Adakah kalian bisa berjalan sambil membaca ayat Quran tanpa melihat al-Quran? Seharian kehidupan anak istimewa ini hanyalah tahu membantu keluarga dan ibu bapa, taat pada agama. Adakah kalian anak sempurna bisa melakukan itu kepada ibu bapamu setiap hari?  Adakah kalian para lelaki masih bisa ke masjid pada awal waktu setiap 5 waktu?
 

          Kita insan yang Allah kurniakan akal kesempurnaan, gunakanlah pada jalan kebaikan. Jadikan akal sempurna ini biasa mengubah diri kita dan sekeliling kita. Moga di kehidupan yang seterusnya kau tidak menyesal dengan kehidupan disini.

Sebuah Kematian yang Menghidupkan

          Jika Rasulullah itu yang maksum punya tahun kesedihan, aku sebagai manusia biasa pendosa juga punya tahun kesedihan juga.
 
          2016. Sebuah permulaan tahun 2016. Usai kelas, aku gegas pulang ke mahallah untuk solat asar, usai solat, kawan aku Zaf dapat panggilan telefon dari mama. Mama kata Mak Faridah meninggal, beliau memang disahkan mempunyai kanser payudara dan kanser kolon. Selang 2 bulan, Pak Ngah pula dijemput ilahi, kisahnya bermula ketika beliau menghidapi demam berpanjangan kemudian sudah tiada. Selang sebulan, aku dikejutkan dengan pemergian sahabat baik, Zaf. Mereka semua tidak lain tidak bukan adalah orang yang dekat dengan aku.

WARKAH UNTUK SAHABAT


          Pertama kali aku berkenalan dengan mu, sewaktu itu kau berdiri memegang mikrofon didepan lalu memperkenalkan diri sebagai Zaf, aku menyangkakan kau seorang yang riang tetapi pendiam. Sangkaanku tepat. Aku sekelas dengan kau, tapi aku tidak banyak berbual dengan kau kerna aku memandang mu dengan satu darjat yang lebih tinggi dariku. Kau begitu baik. Kau juga begitu bijak. Tahun pertama aku tidak banyak mengenalimu, tetapi masa berlalu membuatkan aku mengenalimu dengan lebih mendalam.

          Kau begitu seronok ketika mengisi borang interview DQ, kerna kau punya hasrat dan impian untuk menjadi al-Hafizah. Ternyata impian mu tercapai setahun sebelum kau menghembuskan nasfas terakhir. Aku tidak punya hasrat untuk menjadi al-Hafizah, maka, aku buat tak endah ketika mengisi borang tetapi kau yang banyak membantu aku. Kau antara insan hebat ketika iv di SMKAJB. Hampir keseluruhan satu muka kau bisa hafal hanya dalam masa 30 minit, sedangkan aku, hanya 5 baris sahaja. Takdir Allah itu indah. Aku dan kau dapat meneruskan perjuangan, berjuang dan berperang bersama menghafal kalam Allah. Kau begitu hebat dalam menghafal. Kau begitu hebat mengulang semula al-Quran. Aku sering bertemu dengan mu di masjid, tempat kesukaan mu ketika ngantuk adalah duduk ditangga sambil menghadap kipas. Sungguh nyaman. Di masjid lah tempat biasa aku berjumpa dengan mu. Subuh, Maghrib dan Isya'. Akhirnya, aku dan kau berjaya menamatkan perjuangan di Darul Quran. Kita sama-sama memikul satu tanggungjawab yang begitu berat.

          Pada hari pendaftaran UIA, kau datang dengan keluarga mu, begitu juga aku. Aku, kau, Dhiya dan Anisah ingin sekali duduk sebilik tetapi kau pantas menarik tangan ku ke Mahallah Zainab Registration sewaktu fellow disitu memberitahu bahawa kita berempat perlu berpecah dua. Keluarga aku dan kau saling mengenali, bertanya macam-macam. Waktu itu tubuh mu gagah dan sihat. Walau  naik tangga penat tapi kau masih kuat untuk buat kerja lain. Hebatnya kasih kau pada aku, kau ingin sekali sebilik dengan ku untuk sem seterusnya.

          Pada awal sem, kau masih kau yang dahulu, tidak apa yang berubah, kau masih gagah, kuat, mudah senyum. Tetapi, kau mula menunjukkan ketidaksihatan mu, kau kerap batuk dan demam. Aku mulai risau bila kau kerap rasa panas dan berat badan mu mula merosot, selera makan mu juga berkurangan. Dua minggu sebelum kau pergi, aku sempat menunaikan hak sebagai seorang teman. Aku, Nadiah dan Izyani membawa mu ke PPUM, kau ditahan sementara di ER.

          Sahabat, jika kau ada disini, bacalah tulisan ini. Kau adalah sahabat yang sungguh baik hinggakan tiada keburukan mu aku jumpa. Kau begitu istiqomah melakukan tahajjud dan amalan sunat yang lain apatah lagi amalan wajib. Tahajjud mu tidak pernah tinggal walau keadaan dirimu begitu lemah dan tidak bermaya. Bangkitmu pada 3 pagi untuk bertemu Pencipta mu lalu meneruskan perjuangan sebagai seorang pelajar, belajar hingga subuh. Kau sering mengingatkan aku untuk solat awal dan ajak berjemaah, kau juga sering mengingatkan aku untuk mengulang Quran dan membaca surah mulk sebelum tidur. Kebaikan mu yang begitu banyak terhadap ku tidak terkira, sedangkan kebaikan aku pada mu bisa dikira dengan jari. Kau sering mengingatkan aku untuk tidur awal agar aku bisa tahajjud seperti mu tetapi aku sering mengendahkan kata-kata dan kejutan mu. Kau sering mengejutkan aku untuk solat malam tetapi aku kerap terikut dengan ajakan syaitan untuk terus tidur.

          Sahabat, kau juga sering mengajar aku tajuk yang aku tidak faham. Kau sering beri aku semangat untuk aku terus belajar tanpa putus asa. Kau begitu pantas mengecam bahawa aku dalam kesedihan tetapi aku sering mengatakan bahawa aku tidak apa-apa supaya kau tidak begitu risau. Setiap kesedihan yang menerpa diriku kau sering menyelitkan kata-kata semangat yang berhikmah. Kau juga tahu aku kuat makan, maka, kau selalu membelanja aku makan. Aku ingin minta maaf kerana aku tidak bisa menjadi sahabat yang baik kepada mu sedangkan kau sangatlah baik terhadap ku. Aku menyesal kerana aku tiba di rumah mu 2 jam lambat, niat ku sememangnya ingin melawat mu sakit, tetapi, semasa dalam perjalanan ke rumah mu, aku dapat berita yang sampai sekarang aku tidak percaya, kau telah menghadap Ilahi.

         Sahabat, kematian mu adalah kematian yang menghidupkan. Aku berada disisi mu dari saat tubuhmu masih panas hingga tubuh mu selamat dikebumi di liang lahad. Semua insan yang berkata tentang mu, mereka berkata yang baik-baik. Mereka juga menyetujui aku, kau sememangnya insan yang baik bukan pada sahabat tetapi pada jiran juga adik beradik dan keluarga. Sahabat, ketahuilah, yang menggali kuburmu itu abang saudara ku (sepupu), dia mengakui, sepanjang dia menjadi penggali kubur, kuburmu adalah yang paling senang dan mudah dan cepat untuk digali. Ketahuilah sahabat, yang memandikan mu dan mengkapankan mu itu maklong ku ( kakak mama ), beliau mengakui, urusan mu begitu mudah, tubuh mu masih lembut dan senang diuruskan. Pergi mu dengan senyuman dan muka berseri membuatkan makcik ku yang membuatkan baju mu senang hati tanpa risau melihat muka mu. Mugkin sahaja Tuhan sudah tahu bahawa amalan dan tanggungjawab mu sudah cukup untuk menghadapNya.

          Sahabat, berehatlah kamu, perjuanganmu sudah selesai, Tuhan ingin kau rehat setelah kau berpenat lelah menaburkan kebaikan dibumi Nya. 20 Mei 2016, kau dipanggil oleh PenciptaMu. Semoga kau ditempatkan bersama ahli syurga. Moga nanti kau sambut aku dipintu syurga

        
         

         

Frienship Never Stop

FRIEND IN NEED IS FRIEND IN DEED...

          I'm quite a gangster person. Everything I'm done sometimes make other people feel uneasy towards me. I'm also quite talkative so every tiny thing in my heart I will tell my friend so that, my words sometimes little harsh to them but for me it just 'words'. What I need in this friendship is just IKHLAS friend. Sincere to hear all my sadness and happiness , sincere to friend with me, and sincere to bring me to the right path. Strangers that still not really know me well, they will say that I'm a fierce person. From my outer side of myself, I'm look fierce but I'm really nice and talkative... Trust me. I'm also a spoil girl towards my parents and family members, but I'll try to hide this kind of sifat from other people and also my friends.

         This semester is a challenging sem for me because I took three core subject and all about calculation whereas I'm very weak in calculation. My roommates also known as my best friends, all of them is a brilliant and clever student, in this room, I have the lowest level of intelligence. It had been proved as I obtained the lowest mark of quizes. Whether it physic or chemistry or mathematics. Sometimes, I feel very down but I feel glad that I have my parents to support me. I never call my parents in front of my friend because I don't want to burden them with my simple problem that I can solve. I realized that I'm not clever as my friend and my sister but I try to dig knowledge as many as I can. My parents always said

 " if you think that you're not a clever student, its okay, as you want to study and become good child,student and friend , it enough for us "

Pray for me. I ask for your dua, to pray for me. Pray to Allah that I will become good 'abd , good child , good person for ummah and beneficial to other people.

          Thanks a lot to Nadiah Kamal because you always make my day. You always try to fight with me and I feel fun with that. You always heard all my stories. You also make me want to laugh whenever I see you. You just like me ,  a lazy person but the different between you and me is you are smarter than me. Thanks to you because you let me lend your shoulder to cry. You also teach me in physics and mathematics. Even you is a quite lazy person but you are really brilliant. Its a gift from Allah to you. 

          Lastly, I feel very glad to have many friends and parents to support me. I appreciate that a lot. Thanks guys.

My Sistorr

Dear My Beautiful Big Sister, Akillah Sam,

Life with luxury scholarship is fun right? Absolutely its fun. I heard you will have a fun trip to UK with ur friends. I hope u enjoy it.

Appa had though about my degree. He keep mentioned about loan ( PTPTN ), he also keep mentioned about Ayyub and Amirul's school fee. Money is not everything but everything need money. From now on, I have to save my money, limited my money for future.

My wish since childhood until I'm grown up to be like you never gone. I hope one day I will make our parents smile like you did. I'll try to study hard like u my sister.

I hope you read my heart as well and make dua for me to become a successful child to our parents like you.

                       Your lil beautiful sister,
                                     Nabila Sam